


Incorrect Shadowhunters Quotes

by scaryfangirl2001



Series: Correctly Stated Incorrections [20]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Phil of the Future (TV Fusion), M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:13:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22472398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scaryfangirl2001/pseuds/scaryfangirl2001
Summary: Chapter 1: Alec Lightwood is the oldest child in a normal family. His sister Izzy is an often devious girl with an unusual vocal talent, his mother has a robotic body, and his father spends all of his time working on their broken time machine. Okay, so Alec would be normal he was in his own time. Until then, the Lightwoods are stuck in the early 21st Century (what they consider the past) and trying to fit in. Only one person knows their secret: Alec's bubbly and popular new best friend Magnus Bane. But with this new life and the misadventures that come with it become the norm, when the time comes will Alec want to return to the future?
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Correctly Stated Incorrections [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1428805
Kudos: 1





	Incorrect Shadowhunters Quotes

**My Way**

**Simon** : Ahh, there's the little woman now.

 **Izzy** : Little? I wouldn't be tossing around the "L" word if I were you, Thumbelina.

 **Simon** : I was thinking let's name him Simon Benjamin Lewis Jr.

 **Izzy** : Oh, great. Then his nickname will be Doofus Finkelman Dork-Face Part Two!

 **Simon** : New mothers can be so temperamental.

==========================================================

**Magnus** : I never told you this, but I've always dreamed of someday becoming a singer.

 **Alec** : I thought you wanted to become a cat psychologist?

 **Magnus** : Oh, that's my cover!

** ==========================================================**

**Magnus** : (about Clary) I can't stand her. I wish a building would fall on her! I wish she'd get stung by a fifty-pound bee! I wish a dog would mistake her as a fire hydrant! I wish the U.S. women's soccer team would use her as a ball!

 **Alec** : Hey, how about running her over with a steamroller?

 **Magnus** : Alec, grow up!

==========================================================

### You Say Toe-Mato

 **Alec** : Izzy, I'm using it first.  
 **Izzy** : Why?  
 **Alec** : Because I'm older I'm smarter...And taller.  
 **Izzy** : Alec, you may be taller, but there's always gonna be one thing I have over you.  
 **Alec** : Yeah? What's that, a serious anger issue?  
 **Izzy** : I can hold a grudge forever.  
 **Alec** : Oh, really?  
 **Izzy** : Yes, remember the time you ate the last butterscotch pudding cup?  
 **Alec** : No.  
 **Izzy** : Well, you did. I was 4 1/2. It was Tuesday, 6:35. You were wearing blue--  
 **Alec** : Izzy, I didn't eat your pudding cup. I put it in your shampoo.  
(Power Surging)

==========================================================

**Magnus** : Alec, you know what this is?  
 **Alec** : It's a flute.  
 **Magnus** : No, it's a musical spit catcher.  
 **Alec** : Nice.  
 **Magnus** : Alec, that can't be healthy.  
 **Alec** : Here. Re-hydrate.  
 **Magnus** : I don't know why I thought I could play the flute. You ever play an instrument?  
 **Alec** : Yeah, phyble.  
 **Magnus** : Did you blow in it? Are there strings? Did you hit it?  
 **Alec** : Exactly. All those things.

==========================================================

  
 **Magnus** : So, I tried to call you last night to talk about the field trip.  
 **Alec** : Oh...Yeah. I was out riding my bike.  
 **Magnus** : Really? Your mom said you went for a walk.  
 **Alec** : Yeah, I did. Well, see, I took a bike ride, but then I got a flat tire, so I had to walk the bike back. Oh, technically, I guess it was really a walk. So, anyway, about the field trip. Where are we going?  
 **Magnus** : Mm! To the Pickford tomato ranch. You didn't know Pickford was the ketchup capital of the world, did you?  
 **Alec** : That's why there's that giant squeeze bottle in the town square.  
 **Magnus** : I know it sounds lame, but it's actually kind of cool. At the end of the tour, everybody gets into the stomping tub and stomps tomatoes. Anyway, it's all squishy and messy and barefoot.  
 **Alec** : Barefoot? As in...Barefoot?  
 **Magnus** : Yeah, what's the matter?  
 **Alec** : Oh...I can't!  
 **Magnus** : Can't what?  
 **Alec** : Go to Pickford ranch because I'm allergic to tomatoes, see? If one even touches my body, I get all weird and twitchy. Just like that. (Exhales)  
 **Magnus** : You're about to eat ketchup right now.  
 **Izzy** : I am? Oh.

==========================================================

**Jace** : Fun baskets, $5.00. Get your fun baskets! $5.00. It's for a really good cause. Oh, hi, Raphael. Let me tell you a little bit about today's fund-raiser. I'm raising money for a teacher who's very, very sick. (Whispering) He doesn't look good. Thank you, Raphael. You're good people.  
 **Raphael** : Thanks, Jace.  
 **Jace** : Fun baskets. (Gasps) Hi, Izzy. My baskets are really moving. How much have you raised?  
 **Izzy** : Squat. Leave me alone.

==========================================================

**Principal** : All right, Johnson, you're next. Get in here!  
 **Magnus** : Sometimes I dream I'm married to Mr. Potatohead...And we live in a 2-bedroom condo in Boca Raton, Florida.  
 **Alec** : What?!  
 **Magnus** : And I want to be a doctor, but he wants me to stay home and take care of our 5 spuds.  
 **Alec** : So...Why are you telling me this?  
 **Magnus** : Because it's my deepest, darkest secret. And because I know what's going on. I found this in the goop.  
 **Alec** : What?! It's not--it's not mine.  
 **Magnus** : "Property of A. Lightwood"? Alec, so what? You have 4 toes. You don't have to hide things from me.  
 **Alec** : Really?  
 **Magnus** : Yeah. You spent the last 3 days lying and acting all weird and throwing tomatoes at me just because of a...Pinky toe?  
 **Alec** : It does feel kinda good toe get my toe off my chest.  
 **Magnus** : (Chuckles) Alec, you're my best friend. Just promise me no more secrets. You and I are on a...100% honesty pact. Deal?  
 **Alec** : Deal. Wait. Uh, there's...One more thing.  
 **Magnus** : What is it? Don't worry.  
 **Alec** : (Sighs) The reason I have 4 toes is because where I'm from, everyone does. I grew up over 100 years from now. I'm from the future.

==========================================================

**Robert** : You told her what?! Why?!  
 **Alec** : I had to. She told me she has dreams of being married to Mr. Potatohead. Look, it's Magnus's innermost secret. When she told me that, I realized that it doesn't matter what century you're from. Real friends are truthful with each other, and I need a friend. A real friend.  
 **Robert** : When this leaks out, there's gonna be news reports and a manhunt! Before you know it, they're going to be busting down our door!  
(Gate Rattling)  
 **Robert** : Marmalukes! Do you hear that? They're here!  
 **Magnus** : Hey! Sorry about the racket. Your gate sticks a bit.  
 **Maryse** : Hey, I thought I heard someone at the gate.  
 **Magnus** : Oh, it's just me, Mrs. Diffy. I never officially welcomed you to the neighborhood.  
 **Maryse** : Aw, thank you, Magnus. Although we do miss Lawrence, Kansas, geographical center of the nation.  
 **Robert** : Save it. Our son spilled the beans.  
 **Maryse** : I'll go pack.  
 **Magnus** : Alec, I don't care if you're from the future. Or from Kansas...Or some nut job from...Nutsville. It doesn't matter to me. Whatever secrets you have, they're safe with me.  
 **Alec** : Thank you. It really means a lot to me. It--It means a lot to us.  
 **Robert** : Alec, it looks like your new friend might want a ride home.  
(Whirring)  
 **Alec** : Really?  
 **Maryse** : Be careful.  
 **Magnus** : Oh, my gosh, Alec, you really are from the future.  
 **Alec** : It's a skyak. hop on.  
(Power Surging)  
 **Maryse** : Oh, honey, remember our first skyak ride?  
 **Robert** : I never had a skyak.


End file.
